are you there god its me.

please god, let me be free.

notebook.

I am doing homeschool now,

falling away from what little i was before.

I take laxadives everyday,

for what little food i can force into my body.

This vessel is so vulnerable,

just waiting to be broken down again.

I often cannot breathe.

I often cannot think.

My humble body walks around wishing for a purpose.

Endlessly for a reason to my exsistance.

brittle bones, break.

away

in this place i suffer.

i wake up mornings dead inside. 

in this place i suffocate, 

cannot mask, i cannot hide. 

its time i got up and left, 

its time i let the world see. 

its time i got away from this, 

its time i become me. 

tragedy with great timing.

today is a day to laugh,

to look life in the eyes and make a jest about how everyone is a joke. 

today is a day where i look at the world and make fun of its foolishness. 

today is a day where i feel beautiful after counting my pimples and not fitting into small jeans. today is a day where i feel like i could eat the world and never gain a pound. 

today is a day where i could go out and be whatever i want and no one would question me. 

today is a day i have moved on from all of your bull shit. 

today is a day to write stories to sing tunes, and to be heard. 

today is a day to be alive. 

swings

Speak.

I cannot hear you. 

Write. 

There are no words.

Sing. 

There is no music. 

Dance. 

There are no steps. 

Leave. 

I cannot walk. 

Climb. 

I have no hands. 

Try. 

I have no ambition. 

There is no reason, 

without love. 

italy

i never thought i could love anyone but myself. Now i know I can't love anyone else, but you. But you make me think maybe i wont die alone. 

september 16th, 2009

It was just last night i awoke from dreams of you. 

haunting dreams where you wouldn't sepak to me. 

wher you would just look away disappointed. 

It was just yesterday, i went to school dreading the feeling i would get when i had to see you. 

it was just today, you told me you love me. 

its just now, im scared you lied. 

i just want you to know, you belong with me.