dumb.

i am convinced that i screw everything up for myself. 

im so undeceive, picky when i shouldn't be. 

i hate picking. 

i wish i was gorgeous so i could have anyone

or really ugly so i could have no one. 

so either way everyone would go with my decision.

shit,

i dont want this.

 

i hate my life

even when its going good.
i could be sad, i feel i should.
there is no reason wrong or right.
i just cant seem to sleep at night.

i wake up mornings and try to say,
today will be a better day.
but once i hear my music play
my hopes and dreams drain away.

stress attacks happen weekly.
my own mind is sort of freaking.
drawing fires, death and tears.
feeling every worry and fears.

i know i should get over it.
thinking happy, i try to quit.
i want to scream, want to shout.
just want to let my feelings out.

and i dont really give a fuckk.

sat alone.

no one talked to me. 

want my best friend.

want to not feel

unloved.

unevolved. 

hoe?

am i?

how do i know?

why don't i have firends?

i feel like im a good person.

why would u make fun of me?

why am i not good enough for you? 

the funny thing is, sometimes i think u have it backwards

i think im the good one

im the one who gets it

and i dont care taht u dont like me

i dont really give a fuck.

turn around. jump around.

woah, what happend?

life completely took a turn.

one day im crying on my bed.

and the next like a miracle im on my feet, slowly forgetting about u.

but as soon as i do.

u want me.

but im over it.

theres a new man, 

everything ur not he is.

i cant even tell how i feel anymore,

or what i want.

who i like or who i dont.

all i know is 

u have the worst mother fucking timing... ever. 

fucked up

im fucked up because i love you. and i shouldn't. 

Time

ever moving, ever changing.

undecided, undefined. 

a image in our mind.

but is it real?

What defines it?

what rules it?

the sun? the sea? the sky?

how can it be measured? 

by needles? by sunsets? by seasons?

by people? by clothes? by speeches?

Where is time?

In the air? in the universe?

no. time is in our minds. 

and we are the essence of time

where to begin.

broken. toyed. played. destroyed.

lifeless. feeling as though i exist for no reason. its disgusting. 

not understanding where to begin. 

i thought u loved me. 

thought u cared

cant do anything but hurt. 

i try, oh god i try. 

and i try not to be so grim.

you would look at me and think theres a happy girl.

and you would be wrong.

cause boy, im far from happy.

im tired, cold.

and its your fault.

and u knew, u knew i loved you.

and u picked her