trophy

drown me. suffocate  me. freeze me. kill me. 

just tell me the truth. 

because i dont believe you, when you say i mean nothing. 

when you say you only sort of care. 

when you look for someone to fill my place, and you know in your heart i mean so much more.

why cant you just look me in the face and say it. i know you mean it. i know you were dying with out me. i know im your lifeline. i know that i want to sit in your arms and cry. and i want you to hear me. and i want you to love me.  and i want you around. and i only cry because of you. 

and i know you feel the same. you must. 

if we werent in love, if this wasn't supposed to be, then why cant we stop? 

sabrina

ill always think of you that way.

 

billie.

my heart is reaching. wishing. dreaming. i feel so lonely. i want to feel like a classic. i want to sit in a small cafe, the park across the way. the snow falling. looking into your eyes. i want to be held. i want to cry in someones arms. i want to be alive

tired

im so tired of this.

im so tired of self pity.

im so tired of feeling unwanted.

im so tired of wanting you.

im so tired of loosing.

im so tired of lies.

im so tired of having no friends.

im so tired of missing out.

im so tired of breathing.

im so tired of myself.

im so tired of crying.

im so tired of stinging.

im so tired of having my heart broken.

Still alone

from lipstick thats rose,

to perfectly painted toes.

from celary sticks,

to reading about sucking dicks.

from black tinted lashes,

to rather being ashes.

from running the streets,

to never eating treats.

i try, but im still alone

let me be.

i cant stop. im obsessed. 

every thing about you, no matter how much i try to erase you from my memory.

your still there. your so prominent in my life, i wouldn't know what do to do without you. 

i keep running back, time and time again. 

and when im not with you, i think of you, i write about you, i dream about you. 

i sometimes wish i had never met you. but what i really wish, is that i had never hated you.

that you had never hated me. 

that we had always wanted to each other. 

playback on the atrack

so here i am again. 

as lonley as before, but now i feel like a whore.

ten times in a week. 

thats ten times too many. 

im still hurt.

im still lonely. 

and no amount of fake love

can ever fill this emptiness that contains me. 

no amount of me over her,

no matter how many times u look at me. 

look at me like u want me.

this accumulating artificial empathy from others is like a chemical,

gets the job done, but ruins everything in its path.

and in this case, the path is me.

i am ruined.

again.