billie.

my heart is reaching. wishing. dreaming. i feel so lonely. i want to feel like a classic. i want to sit in a small cafe, the park across the way. the snow falling. looking into your eyes. i want to be held. i want to cry in someones arms. i want to be alive

tired

im so tired of this.

im so tired of self pity.

im so tired of feeling unwanted.

im so tired of wanting you.

im so tired of loosing.

im so tired of lies.

im so tired of having no friends.

im so tired of missing out.

im so tired of breathing.

im so tired of myself.

im so tired of crying.

im so tired of stinging.

im so tired of having my heart broken.

Still alone

from lipstick thats rose,

to perfectly painted toes.

from celary sticks,

to reading about sucking dicks.

from black tinted lashes,

to rather being ashes.

from running the streets,

to never eating treats.

i try, but im still alone

let me be.

i cant stop. im obsessed. 

every thing about you, no matter how much i try to erase you from my memory.

your still there. your so prominent in my life, i wouldn't know what do to do without you. 

i keep running back, time and time again. 

and when im not with you, i think of you, i write about you, i dream about you. 

i sometimes wish i had never met you. but what i really wish, is that i had never hated you.

that you had never hated me. 

that we had always wanted to each other. 

playback on the atrack

so here i am again. 

as lonley as before, but now i feel like a whore.

ten times in a week. 

thats ten times too many. 

im still hurt.

im still lonely. 

and no amount of fake love

can ever fill this emptiness that contains me. 

no amount of me over her,

no matter how many times u look at me. 

look at me like u want me.

this accumulating artificial empathy from others is like a chemical,

gets the job done, but ruins everything in its path.

and in this case, the path is me.

i am ruined.

again.

Remember me

in an effort to not disdain,

i look again. 

nothing but a girl,

i look again. 

no one except me, 

i look agian.

nothing left to be, 

i look again. 

i will remember me,

look again. 

and with that she,

Do you believe in love she asked? her words full of spite.

Do you believe in me he asked, wanting to hold her tight.

She knew she loved him, and tho she tried,

there was nothing she could do, no where to hide. 

She spoke out clear she spoke out frank. 

i do not love you, not anymore. 

i cannot see you as you were. 

Although all she said was false,

she broke his heart before a pulse. 

and even tho she was the one to stab,

her heart was the one on the slab.